Holy moly it’s been a while since I’ve blogged on here. I have been crazy busy! I have been working lots, and working out lots, and doing wedding planning and house maintenance, omigod I’m tired from writing all of that! Through all of the things that have come up lately the biggest thing is my perspective on size. When I was larger I’d look at some sizes of clothing, or some t shirts for example and say “you’d have to be anorexic to fit in that!”…or “I think my leg might fit”… and a few others as well, but as I’m getting smaller and those clothes that an “anorexic” would fit in are now too big for me my perspective has changed. I look at something smaller and say “a couple more months” and usually I am right. Also, I notice that when I look at people, people that I thought were too skinny before now look normal to me. Is this normal? Or am I going cray cray? lol. Things don’t look out of reach to me anymore. For example. Before surgery my Mom had this pair of jeans she bought as her “goal” jeans. They are size 26. Almost No stretch. I looked at them and went “Mom, I think you’d have to be anorexic to fit into these so don’t push yourself”.
The last time I went home,I looked at them and they didn’t look that small anymore, they actually looked like they might fit me. I tried them on at the urging of my mom and they fit. Perfect. They were even a bit loose in the bum and legs. My perspective on what is big and what is small has changed dramatically. It’s a strange thing, but I’m glad it’s changed. Some of you might know that I was once smaller in life. Before prom I lost 52 pounds and got down to 156. That was my smallest weight ever. When I was that weight, it never clicked in my brain that I was smaller. That perspective on size that I’ve been talking about never changed for me back then. Maybe it’s because I was younger or maybe its just because I wasn’t ready inside. This time though, now that I’m even smaller than I was back then I am a different person inside and out. My perspectives on things have changed and I am so glad that this time it’s clicked. The last time it didn’t click for me and I ended up packing back the 52 pounds and then some and going up to 238. I don’t ever want that to happen again. Granted this time I have my tool on my side, but the tool only works if YOU work. So this time I am working hard on myself, and changing perspectives along the way. I am so greatful to be able to say that I am the smallest I have ever been. It’s truly amazing.
xoxo
