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Member | susanbee1964 posts 3 6:27 pm January 15, 2010
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Who did you tell that you were either considering surgery or had already had surgery? This question arose because I was just wondering what I would do myself. At this point I don't think I'd have any problem letting people know what I was doing, it's nothing to be hidden or ashamed of (that's how things end up being like that).
Also, what reasons made you decide surgery was right for you?
Susan
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Member | Roxeanne posts 434 10:52 pm January 15, 2010
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Everyone I am close too knows I am waiting for surgery. They know how much effort I have put into changing lifestyle and being ready for the surgery. I dont feel it is anything I need to hide. If someone thinks it is wrong they can express thier feelings and carry on. Its my life and my choice and I know it is right for me. It isnt right for everyone.
Why did I choose this route. Well first of all I am 38 years of age and I already have Oseoarthritis in my hip and spine. If I dont lose weight in 10 years I could be crippled. I love life too much for that. My second reason for wanting the surgery is I have Chronic Renal Failure. Surgery will help get my blood pressure down and thus prolong the life of my kidneys. The third reason I want surgery is I would love to have a baby and until I get the blood pressure under control the risk factors are too high. I am running out of time for baby making too. So time is of the essence for me.
I do not see this as an instant fix but the tool that it is too make goals a possibility.
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Moderator
| Blake posts 640 11:17 pm January 15, 2010
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I am not a lap band pre-op but everyone I talk to knows about my plan for Bariatric Surgery. I cannot hide that I have a weight issue so my goal is to have everyone participate in my weight solution. With the support of my friends, family and work colleagues I am getting a broader base of help and encouragement. I have had a few people concerned because they had friends or family who had complications from surgery. But most of the people are very supportive and now some even help out by supporting my diet plans and understanding my changes in pre-op diet and exercise plans.
My rationale for picking the RNY is because it is the most successful for people of my size over a longer period of time. Of course the downsize is the waiting.
Good wishes for everyone.
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HW – 339 //Sugery W – 299.8 Oct 19, 11/ CW – 248 //March 25, 2012 // 1st Appt. Apr 1/09 If you are interested in working out – join me an others at My Large Friends – Saanich G.R. Pearkes Rec Center on Thursday evenings. Or if you would like to go walking I have a walking group each Saturday morning at 9am in Victoria. PM me for details.
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Member | christyh posts 11 6:03 pm January 16, 2010
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I guess i am the first to replay that hides the fact that I will be having weight loss surgery. The only people who know are my mom and my husband. NOBODY else. And I have told my mom and husband that they cannot tell ANYBODY because it's personal and for me to tell. My friends, co-workers, inlaws, brother, peers, school mates, nobody else knows.
I think I have made it harder on myself this way because when frustrations do occur or excitement, i have only two people to share that with. But on the flip side, to be honest, I am ashamed. Ashamed my body has gotten like this, and ashamed that I cannot do what my friends have done and loose weight by serious exercise and dieting. In the media or public lens, weight loss is mostly perceived as diet and exercise and I think medical intervention is seen as the easy way out (believe me, I think the opposite). I still think that others look at me and think I am a fat, lazy, sweaty, dirty, slob who eats nothing but big macs and super sized cokes. I truly believe that others think it's my fault that i am like this, and all it takes is to get off my fat ass and exercise and put down the bag of chips.
My best friend constantly tries to get me to run with her, or start some new fad diet with her. She says "oh, it's easy. you just don't want to do it and refuse to make the commitment". Which is wrong. At 340 pounds, I can't run. And her eating plans are made for her, not me and there must be 150 pounds between the two of us. I don't think I could ever tell her I am getting weight loss surgery. ever.
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Moderator
| Blake posts 640 7:40 pm January 16, 2010
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I understand what christyh is saying about being ashamed and I respect your privacy but I think you have touched on one of the key issues of why we have a political problem with bariatric surgery and the treatment of it as a disease and social issue. I think WLS gets a bad rap because people are afraid or ashamed of their size.
There is a sense that if only one would "get off their fat ass" the solution would be solved is believed because there is nothing available to counter that statement. It is easy to put down the bag of chips is simple to understand until they know you have a food additiction.
Of course, you do have to stay away from the coke, the cookies, the junk food and everything that represents the negatives of large people because by telling people you have an challenge with food and are seeking treatment is no longer a secret. I understand that is tough.
My friends know I can't run but they are willing to walk with me. What is even better is they get on my case when I don't exercise.
I think it is really important for you to know you are not alone on this trip. There are resources available to help you to succeed. My apologies for hijacking susanbee's original question about being open. My hope is for everyone to succeed.
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HW – 339 //Sugery W – 299.8 Oct 19, 11/ CW – 248 //March 25, 2012 // 1st Appt. Apr 1/09 If you are interested in working out – join me an others at My Large Friends – Saanich G.R. Pearkes Rec Center on Thursday evenings. Or if you would like to go walking I have a walking group each Saturday morning at 9am in Victoria. PM me for details.
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Member | susanbee1964 posts 3 9:08 pm January 16, 2010
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You didn't hijack the question blamar…this thread is giving me some of the answers and insights that I was hoping for.
Christy, I know exactly what you are talking about and I often feel the same way. However, I was trying to think of an opposite approach….how about (for those who disagree with our choice about the surgery) to say something like we've finally taken complete ownership of our weight issues and have decided on WLS….and then we can go on to explain that it's not a simple solution, just a tool, and from what I'm hearing on this web page we'll be working very hard, mentally and physically, to achieve our goals….but we'll have that tool that will be
a big help.
I still have a long way to go before deciding if WLS is for me, I haven't even seen any of the doctors yet, but I don't know who I'd tell. The other day I was really positive about the surgery and excited to get a referral from my GP to see a doctor about the mid-band…then a former co-worker I haven't seen for a year or so dropped by and she's lost 80 lbs. in 1 year, only has 20 to go….and then I started thinking "why can't I do it that way"….but when I finally sat back and started to think about it….I have tried her way, I've tried lots of ways…plus, she's about 24 and I'm 45…can't compare myself to others I suppose.
Any dates for you yet Christy? I'm so excited for you, you've decided to take on the challenge.
Susan
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Member | Roxeanne posts 434 12:13 am January 17, 2010
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I totally understand Christy's feeling of shame. I used to think everyone was staring at me and worry about what they were thinking. I am blessed in that my Mom was the first person in BC to have Gastric Bypass Surgery in 1978. I have seen the changes it made in her life and how well she has done. I have also seeing the sacrifices she has had to make in order to have this new life. She still says that she misses being able to go out with friends and enjoy a large meal together. She still eats like a bird. But that is great because it means she has used her tool right and hasnt stretched her stomach again.
The funny thing is Obesity is something that is normal in my family line. The people I thought would be happy for me were the ones that actually judged me for having WLS. My aunt and cousin (all over 300 lbs) were the ones that said well all you have to do is eat like you have had the surgery. Convince your stomach that it is small and you wont need the surgery. Or just watch what you eat and exercise and you can do it. I couldnt believe that these people , all of whom have struggled with Obesity, were the ones who were against me having the surgery. One time I said to my aunt quite innocently that once I had lost my weight I would give her the clothes that were too big for me. I said this because she is always saying how much she likes my clothes so I thought I was saying something nice. Well she took offence because what she heard me say was "When I get skinny I will give you my fat clothes". THats when I realized what the criticisms were about. I realized they were afraid if I lost the weight that I would somehow think I was better then them or sit in judgement of them.
They are now all supporting me because we have had numerous talks about how the surgery is not right for everyone and that I feel it is a personal choice. I have told them that even if I was skinny I would never stop loving them or change how I behaved around them. I told them this is my choice and what I want but by no means do I feel they should be doing the same.
Anyways I guess what I am trying to say here is that sometimes the negative reactions come from a place of fear, ignorance, or maybe insecurities. I have learned so much from being open to people about what I am doing and the process that it entails. I have made the changes lifestyle wise that I needed to make and I am ready. I now have my entire family and all my friend rallying beside me ready to go on this journey with me. Boy does it feel better to know I have company on this long journey and that I have my support. Both from everyone I have met through here and my support group here and from my social network in my life. SO yes I would be open and risk judgement anyday. How else do we educate the ignorant unless they know what we are doing and can see why we are where we are and why the surgery is the tool not cure.
Well I guess now this was my turn to hijack this thread but just thought I would explain a part of my journey. I also think it has been easier for me to take these risks because I have Epilepsy and have had to live with the issue of disclosure all my life. I've gotten good at disclosing things by putting a possitive twist onto things. Anyways it is a personal choice and whatever you are comfortable with is what you need to do. There is no right answer,. What is right for one individual isnt right for the next.
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Member | susanbee1964 posts 3 5:22 am January 17, 2010
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Thank you everyone! The time and effort you have put into answering my question is wonderful. I think I can equate the surgery to the fact that I have suffered from depression in the past, and I have always been open about that…but unfortunately so many are quiet about depression that it is one of those hush-hush topics for so many people. I believe that it really does help to open up about things, and having groups like these to do that with is great. Opening up the discussion helps people learn.
Thank you again, you guys are great.
Now, since I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed (got up at 3:30am) I think I'm going to sit back and make a list of my thoughts on WLS, my questions, concerns, fears…then I'll probably post them to learn even more.
Susan
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Member | VancouverRN posts 25 10:42 am March 30, 2010
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With my Lap Band patients:
a) want to share everythig with everyone!! This includes personal blogs/Facebook etc…
b) will not tell anyone, not even tell their GP!!
c) tell only a select few ( and hopefully their GP!!)
It is a very personal unique expereince and only the person can feel comfortable with what details to give and to whom!!
Best of luck and make sure you have support from someone!! It does help the process.
Rhonda
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Member | Frances posts 404 11:53 pm March 30, 2010
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When I first started looking at WLS I was quite quiet about it and the only one that i discussed it with was my GP. As time went on, I made the decision to start exercising and watching the food intake and this was through the help of the Eating Disorders Counselling Team that i see. I then slowly progressed to tell my mom, 2 out of 3 of my brothers, they understood that this was important to me. This past christmas i told the other brother and I must say i was nervous in doing so because I believe that i would be judged for my decision. While he doesn't really support me in my decision and states, " I hope it doesn't come to that" Ijust think that he doesn't get it, he hasn't said much to discourage me either. I told my best friend and she doesn't want me having the surgery, might have to be one of those people I end up letting go. At work, colleagues are behind me for starting to lose some weight and that I am exercising but I have received the comment, "Well, maybe if you continue like this, you won't need surgery", " but why would you want surgery if your losing it". To which I say, "I am going to get surgery", or, "You don't understand the struggles that I have been through with my weight." And so I carry on and do the best that I can.
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Member
| suzanne posts 1068 7:10 am March 31, 2010
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I decided to tell everyone about my surgery, I knew there would be some that would disapprove, some that would judge, but the largest percentage of my friends and family have backed me up 100% on having this surgery. With telling everyone about my surgery I could then let them share in the excitement of my weight loss journey progess.
I email everyone once a month with my before pictures and now pictures, so they can see the dramatic changes in me and tell them how much I have lost. This alone is very encouraging to me, and has been a great support its like having my own cheerleading group.
Although I still find it funny when I say how much weight I have lost and I get this oh yeah look at your face, you can really see it, hello people Ive lost it everywhere although my head was puffed up with my ego to start with but not that big… lol
I hit the 130 lb mark today… finally Ive been waiting for this… for some time….
So yes Ive decided to tell absolutely everyone, their tends to be such much stigma about weight loss surgery, but I figure Im educating everyone at the same time and maybe just maybe if there is someone else out there in their friends or family that hasn't been able to speak up about it that they want or need the same kind of surgery I may have helped people to be able to share it and not be concerned to speak up.
Suzanne
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surgery Feb 3/2009 Dr. Rusnak & Dr. Amson, Im down 163 lbs with 47 lbs more to go til goal weight.
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Member | VancouverRN posts 25 9:01 am March 31, 2010
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C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S S U Z A N N E ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
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Member
| suzanne posts 1068 9:10 am March 31, 2010
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Thank you, much appreciated
Suzanne
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surgery Feb 3/2009 Dr. Rusnak & Dr. Amson, Im down 163 lbs with 47 lbs more to go til goal weight.
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Member | Frances posts 404 4:04 pm April 1, 2010
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Suzanne,
You certainly inspire me. Congratulations. Frances
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Member
| suzanne posts 1068 5:17 pm April 1, 2010
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Thank you Frances,
I get my inspiration and encouragement from everyone on this board, and love to hear their weight loss journey, our struggles, and triumphs, what works and what doesn't, is so important for all of to share and feel a part of this weight loss family. No one has to go through this alone, we are in this together for each other.
Suzanne
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surgery Feb 3/2009 Dr. Rusnak & Dr. Amson, Im down 163 lbs with 47 lbs more to go til goal weight.
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