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Well I have been fairly quiet over the past few months.

When I was diagnosed with RA and all of a sudden

couldnt do the activities that I had gotten accustomed to

I got depressed and I went back to my old habits. 

I started eating unhealthy and going to the fast food

restaurants and just generally not caring.

 

I figured why should I work so hard to get better when

no matter what I did it was going to get worse anyways.

I saw all my dreams being shattered and becoming

unreachable.  I got tired of Dr A giving me false hope.

ANd then being let down when surgery doesnt happen.

 

Anyways,  the long and short of it is I gave up.  Well I

have done a lot of thinking and have decided not to give up.

However, that being said, I have also made another choice

I have decided that if I have not had my surgery by the

end of March then I am going to put my name on hold

for a bit.  I am getting married next summer and because

I will be almost 40 by the time I am married Andrew and I

want to try to start a family right away.  I cant afford to wait another

year for surgery and then a year for my body to adjust

before I get pregnant.  Every year I wait now it becomes

less possible and likely for me to be a mother. 

 

  Please know I am not saying I will take my name off the list

or give up on surgery.  Just I will put a hold on it until I

try to have a baby first.  Its not my ideal.  The ideal would

be have the surgery and tremendously reduce my risks

but thanks to Dr A not being upfront, and the government

making all the cuts the ideal might not be a reality for me.

  Anyways, I just wanted to fill you all in on where I am and

what I am doing.

 

PS I am working on establishing a new exercise regime and

I am getting back on track with my eating habits.  Andrew

one of my bridesmaids Karen and I have a friendly little

competition going on who can lose the most weight by

our wedding.  So deffinately giving me some motivation

again.

 

Well thanks all for listening to me ramble

Congrats on your upcoming marriage!!! So exciting!!!

It is hard this whole wait I know…especially with these ridicilious cut backs as well. But in Dr.Amson's defence I must say that I do not believe for one minute he intentially gives his patients "false hopes". His hands are tied because of the cutbacks. I strongly believe his intentions are true and are good and he wishes he could have all the OR time in the world to get as many people done as quickly as possible. Having said that, I totally get what you are saying and I totally get your frustrations as well. It is a tough pre-op journey for sure!!!

I love it that you have a supportive fiance' and bridesmaid. Having a challenge like that is motivating forsure!!! It is a wonderful team effort!!!

I hope all works out for you with having a baby sooner than later. I understand the whole age thing too. I am there with ya :) Someone in my TOPS group had a baby at 46….that would be way too old for me though, LOL. But all things are possible. I pray you get all your hearts dreams, hopes and wants and that a surgery date is just around the corner for you!!!

Great job on making changes and not giving up. We are here to support you all the way!

Thanks everyone for the support.  I really do appreciate it.  There are a lot of ups and downs and this journey and I really dont know what I would do if I didnt have the support of all my wonderful friends here.  I am doing the best I can and that is all I can ask of myself.  Life is good and I am so excited about my engagement.  I am very grateful that it is a year away as I have soooo much to get done LOL!  Anyways thanks all for your help and support and I will keep everyone posted on my accomplishments as well as my struggles.