How to Stop Emotional Eating
by Katie Jay, MSW
Director, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery
www.nawls.com
In Disney’s Mulan, a young woman is faced with a life or death decision. Her father, who previously had been wounded in battle, was asked to rejoin the Chinese army to defend that country from the Huns.
Mulan’s father, being a man of duty, said yes. Mulan knew that if her injured father went to war again he would not be able to fight or defend himself. She knew he would be killed.
Mulan chose to sneak away by night to take her father’s place. She disguised herself as a soldier, and saved her father and China in the process.
I LOVE this movie. I love the character Mulan. I’m sure many girls identify with her bravery and independence. I love her spirit.
But would I do what she did?
As you can imagine, the scene in which Mulan’s family realized the father was going to go to war and die was quite emotional. Everyone was devastated.
I have been devastated in my life before. Most of us have. But sometimes my response is a bit different from Mulan’s.
In the past I would have grabbed a bag of Hershey’s Kisses, hidden in my closet, and eaten them until I felt numb and incapacitated.
It’s a good thing Mulan didn’t do that! Wouldn’t have made for much of a movie.
And the Hershey-Kiss response did not make much of a life for me.
The most important moment with emotional eating is the minutes immediately following the introduction of a painful feeling.
It is in those minutes that we either surrender control to our emotions or decide to respond to them in a different (healthier) way.
When I have an emotional experience today, I ask myself:
1. How have I responded to emotions/situations like this in the past?
2. How well did my past responses work for me? (Were they healthy and life affirming?)
3. What do I want to do differently now?
What I usually want to do differently is to write about my feelings instead of eating over them. Other things I do include calling someone I feel safe talking to about my emotions or going for a walk with my dog.
If the situation is really horrible, I try above all else to be gentle and nurturing with myself, instead of stuffing food down my throat in an effort to stuff the feelings.
I am much more likely to sit and cry than I used to be. Because I’ve learned that whenever I cry, I always stop at some point and feel better.
The critical point with emotional eaters is the moment right after the emotion. Instead of reacting, we can decide how we are going to respond. The critical moment is a moment of decision.
Next time you feel an “eating emotion,” try asking yourself the three questions above and see what happens. Keep practising. Over time you will develop new responses to emotional situations.
I like to imagine myself as Mulan, making a decision based on more than the idea that I don’t want to feel anything bad. I like to imagine making a more noble response, like she did.
Mulan’s father said this: “A flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”
Let’s all be “bloomers!”
Your Assignment
Practice self inquiry at least three times this week, by taking time to answer the three questions when you notice you are having strong emotions about something. What have you go to lose?
