Just when good things are happening…

Hey everyone…

Today I am not feeling all of that great. I am down my first 25 pounds and couldn’t be happier about that, but I received some bad news yesterday that has me totally off kilter. About a month ago my Dad had a colonoscopy. If you aren’t familiar it’s where they stick the tube up the rectum and look for things like polyps and cancer. They removed two polyps and sent them for testing. I never thought that they’d come back cancerous. They said there were minimal traces of cancerous cells. How can they call something that is cancerous minimal? So my Dad has to go see Dr Tang on wednesday so they can discuss surgery to make sure that nothing else is cancerous as well as remove a portion of the bowel that he doesn’t need anyway. I am worried. I have never had a good relationship with my father and I have always craved one.
My father was a military man and was away most of my childhood. When I was 7 he came back and my mother discovered that he had an affair. I saw how it devastated her. She trusted him, and so did I….and we were let down. My Mother and father stayed together even though it was hard, but at the time my Mom had no place to go and I believe that she wanted to make it work for me.   Needless to say before that point he was my “favourite” parent. I was Daddy’s Little Girl. Through the years of him being away we grew apart. I leaned on my Mom. My Mom and I became best friends, and still are today. My Dad didn’t come home fully for good until I was already an adult at 18 and for me in my mind it was too late for him to start being a father to me, so I pushed him away. I can’t help but feel so guilty for how I treated him at times. How my Mom and  I both treated him at times. I feel like it is my fault that he is going through this now. I want to fix my issues with my father really bad, but I don’t know where to start. I feel like I am just getting to know him. On top of all of this, my baby Chico (he’s a chihuahua) had been limping around the house so we took him to the vet and it turns out he might need surgery on his  back leg if the medication doesn’t work. I feel guilty about that as well because I am not there to help him at home. I just want all of this to get better and just be a road bump in the journey of life. Please keep my family in all of your prayers.

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