The biggest WOW moment of them all…

I am beyond thrilled with myself. In these past few months (almost three) since my surgery I feel like I have changed and grown as a person and not just physically. While the physical stuff is there (I’ll get to that later) it’s more mental and emotional that I notice. 

Before the surgery and when I was 237 pounds, I didn’t love myself. Hell, I didn’t even like myself. I hated myself. Because I hated myself so deeply I’d do things to punish myself…like eat bad food. It was a bad cycle.
Girl see’s she’s getting fatter, Girl eats bad to try and feel better, Girl doesn’t feel better and see’s she’s getting fatter…thus the cycle repeats and cycles on. I was depressed. There were some mornings I’d open my eyes and I’d think “I’m still alive?” and occasionally I would be disappointed in that fact. I mean what good was I? I couldn’t run, I couldn’t walk stairs, I couldn’t tie my own shoes, I couldn’t put my own socks on without the support of a wall or a good sturdy chair, I couldn’t wear the clothing I longed for, I couldn’t wear the shoes I liked, I couldn’t feel sexy or womanly in anything. I had poly cystic ovarian syndrome that gave me hot flashes, excessive hair on my face, zits and weight gain. I was a train wreck and a bomb waiting to explode.
Enough of how I was…

Now, almost three months after surgery I am down nearly 50 pounds. I smile when I open my eyes in the morning because I feel alive. I make plans and have fun. I’m not just going through the motions of life anymore. I don’t wait for things or for other people because I do things how I want them to be done. I am finally in control of myself and my own body. I have said adios to my bra extender and hello to Victorias Secret! I have said adios to 2XL’s, 1XL’s, XL’s and larges. And hello to mediums and even some smalls!. I am almost in the ONE EIGHTY’S on the scale! My jean size is normal! I am no longer plus size. I am normal size. Instead of having rolls on my back, I now have a back. I have a defining line down the middle of my stomach that you can see the muscle under there. My boobs look amazing in a bra now that there is no fat hanging off the sides and top. I can wear a normal, sexy bra and sexy panties! When I exercise , I look for new ways to push myself and I do because I finally know that I am capable of anything. I don’t huff and puff when I go up a few flights of stairs. In fact, I now look for the stairs instead of the elevator. I have energy! My god I have energy. I have more energy than my young niece!  I can look in the mirror and feel pride for what I have accomplished. I am so proud of myself and I am not even done yet. I can put on clothes that fit me in september and have them fall to the ground. When I don’t lose weight on the scale I don’t fret anymore because I know my body just needs time to adjust and that I am still most likely losing inches.
I feel the growth within me as a woman. I feel like I have burst out of a shell that I was hiding in for too many years. WATCH OUT WORLD I’M OUT OF MY SHELL! lol.
I actually stand infront of the full length mirror naked now and can appreciate what I see!!! That in itself is an accomplishment for in March of this year before the surgery  and before I got my date I was contemplating getting rid of my mirrors in the house.

Border line, I feel great and I can’t wait to see what else I can accomplish and what else I can do for I am only at the beginning of my journey and of my life. I feel fantastic.
I am finally happy and I finally love myself…I think that is the best WOW moment of them all.

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