Things that have been circulating my mind since THE CALL…

Well it has been exactly 3 days since I got that call…and I’m STILL FREAKING OUT! Honestly, there isn’t a scared bone in my body…but there are other things that I think about…

First things first and I know this is going to sound weird, but I am so excited to have surgery! My Mother-In-Law always shakes her head at the thought of me being excited to be cut open…but I am excited. Because I know that when I wake up, my new life begins.

Okay…here’s the thing..
I haven’t really told anyone that I’m having this surgery. I have told my cousin who’s like a sister to me, my Mom, my Boyfriend and his family know…and thats it. No friends or other family members know..so what do I say when they ask how I lost the weight. I mean I can go with the obvious “diet and exercise” which isn’t lying, because those are two key things in losing the poundage after the surgery. Some might wonder why I’m not telling them…well I’ll tell you.
My family members (other cousins, Oma, aunts etc) and I are not close. In fact every time I have to be in a room with them like Christmas or Birthdays I cringe because I can’t stand seeing them. I love seeing my Oma, but the drama that always enfolds because of freeloading children at her house always makes my stomach turn with anger. I am close with my Oma, but she’s a gossiper. If I tell her, she’ll tell everyone that I don’t want to know. She did this with my Mom. My mother told her in confidence, and before we knew it almost the whole family knew. I definitely don’t want this to happen to me as I would rather keep it to myself. It’s funny, I don’t care that some people that I’ve never met know…but my own family members…forget about it!

Another thing is the fact that my cousin and I are so close I’m afraid that once I’m losing weight that she’ll pull away from me. She’s always been heavier than me and she’s shown little twinges of jealousy here and there regarding my weight loss. I know she’s excited for me in one sense, and feeling apprehensive about it too. I’m hoping maybe my weight loss will inspire her as well!! . Also, she’s pregnant…so there is nothing she can do right now to lose the weight!

The other thing is my mother-in-law. In the past she’s made comments like “Oh well Kerri won’t even be around after she’s skinny” and “Oh she’ll turn into a slut when she’s thin” when I told her about a possible date this year last December she’s like “Oh the bitch will be skinny” and just these little digging comments. And I bite my tongue because thats my Boyfriend’s Mother and the last thing I wanna do is make things uncomfortable. I don’t really care what she thinks to be honest, but the comments do  bother me.

Okay, on to the positive..here is a list of things I am going to do once I lose weight…I know all of you have them if not on paper, but in your mind…

1. Go Ziplining
2. Go on Vacation…I’m thinking Australia.
3. Buy myself a LBD (little black dress)…
4. Buy myself a nice pair of heels to wear with said LBD
5. Run with confidence and hopefully without pain
6. Have energy…
7. Walk with my friends and not feel self conscious
8.  Be healthy…
9. Workout longer
10. Do a 12k!
11. Complete a 10K as one of the first 10 people through the finish.
12. Do the Bowron Lake Canoe Circuit. (Takes 7 days on foot and canoe)
13. Wear “skinny jeans!”
14. Buy lingere…oooh la la!!
15.  Hike Mt. Fynlasin without so much pain on the way back down!
16. Waving without my arms waving back even after I’ve stopped waving.
17. Have photos taken of me and not stand behind someone else.
18. Throw out all my fat clothes…I will not go back to where I am!!!
19. Go dancing…to the club. I’ve never been…
20. Feel better about life.
21. So I can have kids one day and be a healthy example.
22. So I can be a healthy example of a nurse *when I’m finished nursing school*

theres more from that list, but I’ll have to think on it!! I’ve been making that list in my head for a long time. Some of the things are superficial like being able to wear cute clothes, but some of them are just normal like wanting to be healthy.. and wanting to be healthy before I think about having children.
Something else that hasn’t been running through my mind every morning when I wake up is “when will they call me for a date?”..I love that. Instead I’m thinking “I’ve gotta get up and rip off another page on my countdown list!” Yes I have a little countdown going on post-it-notes on my bathroom mirror. They are those super huge kind in neon. It is exactly 118 days until the big day!  Well I will stop blabbering on. I will write more as things enter my mind and share them with all of you.
Thank you for being a part of my WLS Journey I look forward to hearing from all of you as well!!!!

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